Cold Night, Cold Realities
by Neon Ratchet
Summary: *Set between anime episodes "The Gunslingers" (season 2, episode 12) and "Collateral Massacre" (season 3 episode 1)* On a cold night in the city, Revy faces some difficult truths about herself and Rock...


It was a cold night in Roanapur by normal standards. Cold enough that Revy was feeling the chill after walking back from the Church after a drinking session with Eda. She was currently sitting alone on a bench outside Lagoon Company's office, smoking the latest in a string of cigarettes, each of them meant to be the last one before she turned in for the night.

It wasn't just a cold night; it was a quiet one as well. Normally Revy would hear gunshots, glass breaking and voices yelling, but on this night all she could hear was the occasional stray cat mewling and a few crickets chirping. She guessed that one of the occasional ceasefires between the various crime cartels that inhabited the city was in force again. They didn't happen often, but when they did, Revy rarely found the silence comforting. On this night especially, she wished she could have something - anything - distract her from the thoughts rattling in her brain.

The thing about Roanapur is it's a complete and utter hellhole. A dive of a city where killers are everywhere, and blood is spilled as often as beer and rum. Violence was just a way of life in Roanapur, and it would take something big to show someone just how violent the city could be.

Revy blew a plume of smoke out the side of her mouth as her thoughts raced around her mind. She had known violence all her life. It had been inflicted on her and she had inflicted it on others in turn, the graphic stories of which had made her name and reputation; a reputation that carried some weight and was beginning to feel a little heavier. Dutch, Balalaika, Eda… pretty much everyone she knew had their own body count, but it was kind of different for at least those three. They were cool, clinical and efficient for the most part. Killing was just part of the job; no less, no more. Revy knew she belonged to a group for whom it ran far deeper. Deep down – and if she was honest, it wasn't really that deep down - Revy Two Hand liked the violence. Even relished it. It was catharsis. It was a release for the anger and shame that still festered in her psyche years after sweet little Rebecca lost her optimism and her innocence.

She just hadn't really thought about it for a long time, until the only person she had ever known to not come from a world of violence, and could have been called a good man, had lost his own innocence.

Revy was holding her lighter in her hand. She had absently been flicking it on and off but noticed that the flame wasn't holding because the lighter was out of gas. She grunted in annoyance as she held a fresh cigarette to the lit one in her mouth. Suddenly, she was reminded of that time when her and Rock were in the back of the police car, and he lit the cigarette in her mouth with the smoke that hung in his.

It was the moment where the relationship went way deeper than any other one she had ever had. They'd had their moments already. He had stood up to her when she was at her angriest, and she had confided in him about her past to the point where he knew more about her than anybody else did. She had felt something for him. She wasn't sure if it was love, and she wasn't sure if she was even capable of love, but for the first time in a long, long time, she saw something other than blood and violence in her life. Something good.

If she could only have taken the chance…

They had been alone at the office after the cops had dropped them off and were just looking at each other, both wanting to say something but neither saying anything. She wanted to speak, but she couldn't lower her guard; not even for Rock. She waited for him to say something, to reassure her that it would be fine. That she would be safe with him, but he didn't say anything. Maybe he wanted to but couldn't either. Suddenly the moment was just gone. They just went to their own rooms with just a couple of muttered See You Laters. Neither of them had brought it up since.

Sometimes she wished she could go back and change what happened. It might not have changed a damn thing, but then again, it might have changed everything. Revy sighed at the pointless thought. Hindsight meant jack now. It was way too late to change anything.

Japan had seen to that…

It wasn't long after Revy and Rock had arrived back from Japan that Dutch, Benny and the various associates of both Lagoon Company and Hotel Moscow learned what had happened over there, and to Yukio and Ginji. However, Revy had not told them everything that had happened.

They hadn't left Japan immediately afterwards. Revy and Rock had been cooped up in a hotel room while Hotel Moscow finished up their business. There had been nothing to do but smoke, drink, keep her injured leg clean and wrapped while it healed and watch weird cartoons on television. She had kept a close eye on Rock, who had said little since seeing Yukio push Ginji's sword into her own throat, but he insisted he was OK. Revy was unconvinced but she hadn't pushed the issue.

She heard him the night before they were due to leave. He was screaming Yukio's name. She had limped through to his room and saw him twisting and screaming in his bed, way too deep into his nightmare to hear her yelling his name. All she could do was climb onto the bed and grab hold of Rock from behind, trapping his arms with her own and whispering in his ear that she was right there, and she wasn't anywhere else. She held him and whispered the mantra over and over until slowly, Rock calmed down and fell into a deep sleep. She just stayed there, feeling Rock's chest rise and fall.

The next day she told him everything, and all he said in in reply was that he was fine, and he didn't want her to tell anyone. He made her promise and she had kept her word, but she knew things were different. Rock was different. As soon as they got back to Roanapur he would never be off the job, choosing to focus on work as much as possible and keeping busy; never relaxing. He was getting through a bottle of rum quicker. He didn't smile as much and his posture was more rigid, as if always ready to react to an attack. And his eyes carried the thousand-yard stare of someone who had seen something so indelible it could never be forgotten. A memory that will always linger.

Revy knew plenty about that type of look. She had seen it in plenty faces in Roanapur, her own included. Until that point, she had never seen that type of look on Rock's face, but she knew it would be the only one she would ever see again. And that thought scared her. Revy Two Hand was scared to her very core.

Revy took one last drag on her smoke and exhaled with a loud sigh and a muttered obscenity. She didn't know what to do as most problems she faced in her life she just solved with a hail of bullets. She hated feeling this helpless. For years she had kept her distance and not let herself get close to anyone, then some dumb Japanese guy wearing a shirt and tie appeared out of nowhere and spun her whole life out of sync. All she could think about was how she wanted to protect him. How she wanted to make sure he didn't end up like her.

She would try. She will always try. But she wasn't sure if she could.

She threw the dead cigarette onto the ground next to the other butts and stamped it out, before turning to the office. As if on cue, she heard several gunshots in the distance. She guessed the ceasefire was over, but she kind of expected it wouldn't have lasted.

Violence was just a way of life in Roanapur, after all…


End file.
